Point #1: It has to be about more than looks – character matters.
Business application: We all rely on first impressions and intuition. That can be a good thing. A CEO shared with me how she came close to hiring a top candidate before negotiations fell apart. The candidate proceeded to try to poach the employees he had met during interviews, leading her to conclude he was not someone she would have wanted on her team. We must look beyond the surface. Understanding someone takes time and effort, but they will reveal themselves.
Point #2: Work on yourself. Be the person you want to attract.
Business application: If you want great co-workers, you have to be one yourself.
Point #3: Perfection is a trap. Prioritize what’s important.
Business application: No one is perfect. Yet we all like to have things the way we like to have them. I’ve gotten over the idea that a co-worker or employee should behave like I do. And I agree with the saying that perfection is the enemy of the good. How many more times will I edit this column before publication? A few.
Point #4: Communication is the solution to any relationship problem.
Business application: I’ve taken to saying that whatever is second most important when it comes to succeeding as a leader, it’s far behind the need to effectively use various types of communication. Effective communication is needed to provide instruction, incorporate feedback and inspire vision, for example. It can go wrong so easily.
Point #5: Don’t hide, minimize or sacrifice your personality or identity. Don’t trade who you are for someone you want to be with.
Business application: Truly knowing one’s self takes effort. But if you prioritize a strong set of principles, they will take you far. I once worked as a mid-level manager for an employer that showed disrespect and displayed arguably abusive behavior toward my direct reports. I left to work in an environment in which I could truly be myself without daily conflict.
Point #6: Don’t expect you can change someone to make them right for you. The fact is, people don’t change much.
Business application: While I understand the broader point here, I don’t entirely agree when this is applied to business. Leaders should seek key attributes when hiring and want to help people to be their best. I’ve hired people who weren’t quite what I was hoping for on day one and been happy with the result. We also have to be realistic in our expectations.
Point #7: Don’t use how someone feels about you to decide how you feel about them.
Business application: Sure, it’s flattering when a prospective business partner, client or vendor tells you you’re great – that your business is amazing. Allowing that one-way perspective to unduly influence how you feel is a view rooted in insecurity. Your opinion of the other party is best developed based on the facts you gather and your unbiased observations.
Point #8: Relationships require sacrifice. They should not be big sacrifices and they need to be mutual.
Business application: There are lots of businesspeople out there who take a lot from a relationship and offer little in return. They want your time and money. They want your ideas. It reminds me of the now-debunked notion in early medicine that people needed a good bleeding to be cured of what was ailing them. While I've found that having a giving nature is generally good for my business, no one wants to be bled.
Point #9: The best partner will empower you and nurture the growth you want to see.
Business application: We tell the hundreds of high school and college students we interact with each year to look for this in an employer. Managers and leaders who exhibit this attitude will ultimately be more effective than those who don’t. Companies benefit when they empower and support employee development, learning and success.
Point # 10: Compatibility matters. Your romantic partner should be your best friend. He writes: “They should be understanding, easy to talk to, caring, supportive, fun, respectful and kind.”
Business application: Wouldn't anyone want this in a boss too? I recall when I first received Gallup workplace assessment training 20 years ago and a key employee engagement metric was whether someone had a “best friend” at work. I didn’t get it at first. I now understand that we spend so much time with our co-workers, it only makes sense that we will be happier if we really look forward to seeing each other – even if it’s only one person as part of a broader group. Strong personal relationships lead not only to happiness in life but also to business success. It’s about far more than a paycheck.
Thank you for reading. I can be reached at [email protected].
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